- Why Did You Break Up In The First Place?
This question is probably the most important one to ask, because how you answer it will go a long way toward determining if you should get back together… and if it has any chance of succeeding.
Was the split because of some one-off situation: them going to college out of state, or a personal/family crisis? Was it something serious but not critical, like beginning to take one another for granted? Or was it something major like infidelity, lying, or abuse of any kind? Some of these are reconcilable, but some are not.
- What Has Changed Since You Split?
Just because it didn't work out the first time you gave love a go doesn't mean it's doomed. But in order to have a different outcome next time, something has to have changed or history will repeat itself.
Sometimes, people just need a bit of time apart to know they really do want to be together. If that's the case, the odds are in your favor. However, it's very difficult and rare for people to fundamentally change, so if your relationship went bust because of a personality trait, an incompatibility, or a personal values clash, its a no-go.
- How Toxic Was The Break Up?
Break ups can be U.G.L.Y. Sometimes, the things we do when our hearts are breaking are even worse than the reason we go our separate ways to begin with. And sometimes, they show a person's true colors. So before you reunite, think carefully about who both you became when things got bad. That will give you some insight into who this person is and how they may react in the hard times that come in any relationship.
- When You Imagine Your Future, Are They In It?
This question is an important one to ask in every serious relationship — you need to know if you can see yourself with this person for the long haul. Do they share your plans for the future? Do they even fit into the life you imagine in five to 10 years?
If you don't think this person is someone you can see yourself with long-term, you're just setting yourself up for heartbreak. It's important to know before you take the leap if you are just getting back with them because you are lonely, or if there's real potential here. Don't hurt yourself or them just because you want someone in the moment.
- What Do Your Family And Friends Think About You Getting Back Together?
Often times, when considering getting back together with an ex, you're just too close to it to be able to consider things rationally. This is why it's helpful to look to your loved ones as a barometer of whether or not a reunion is a good idea.
If everyone who loves you is screaming to hit the brakes, it's likely because they see that the relationship was not a healthy one. They hurt when you hurt. On the other hand, if everyone around you is thrilled with the idea, then that's a good sign that you should consider getting back together.
When it comes to deciding whether or not to rekindle with your ex, it should always be 25 percent heart and 75 percent head.